I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
