id be glad to
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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