the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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