I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
