Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
