Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
