Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
