This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
