youre lurking in front of me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
