So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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