Your mouth is God's brothel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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