it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
