I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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