I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
