I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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