this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
