Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
