i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
