I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just threw up on my dentist
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
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best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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