The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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