i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
