ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We named our party play list daddy issues
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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