he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
