im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
