I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
