barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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