Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
