My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
home. puking in laundry basket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
