I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
