Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
