She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
