she looked like the before picture.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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