If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
