I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
