My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
