If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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