im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
