Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
