I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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