i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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