you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
