i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
