im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
