I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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