Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
