I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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