You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
