My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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