My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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