sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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