i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
