Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize