Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You're like the curious george of whores
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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