Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
