He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
