True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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