I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
