Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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