Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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