Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life is so much better after having sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
