after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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