Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
