Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
