i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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