I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
there is puke in my bra ... again
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