After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
