You work out of a Hotel?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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