Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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