the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
