he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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