So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
