just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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