He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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