i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
