so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
